Time moves regardless and I don't like that!

You know how the longer you put off something, the harder it gets to actually do it? Yeah, that.

Lots of small nothings ~

Not a lot happens in my life, and an even smaller sample of that is even worth(?) writing about. A lot of "oh I went out for lunch today" and mundane stuff like that. Maybe it would be interesting if I took photos LOL but that isn't what I do

There's stuff that is a little personal too, like I'm pretty sure writing about going on dates would be WEIRD (especially when the date in question reads my site 0~0)

I got that award I mentioned in the last post! Even got the prize money, which is pretty huge for me.

Been playing a lot of Minecraft. Is it too obvious I'm really boring? ;-;

Have some music!

Figured that a lot of small individual things could combine into a decent length blog post, and music is probably the easiest one of my interests to talk about, so let's try it :)

Having a recent surge in overseas popularity, the newest (at the time) song by Hellzapoppin', Ambiguous, made its way into my recommendations. Electroswing has always been a favoruite of mine, but it's very uncommon so this song was a nice treat to find. The music video is also very cute and catchy ^^

Birthdays

It's my birthday soon! That's not really important. I think I have some low-key childhood 'trauma' that prevents me from enjoying my birthdays. It's always a super stressful time of year for me too, and that combined with the fact that I really don't need anything but being demanded for gift ideas anyway does not help. It's painfully first-world problem and I know it, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't like it ;-; I bought the Guilty Gear season of the board game Exceed last year and I haven't even played it yet! I don't need any more material garbage ;-;

Slightly more interesting and slightly less upsetting, I've been invited to someone else's birthday for the first time in years! Small problem, I only kind of know the person, and I haven't been to any adult birthday party before. I have no idea what to get them :') This is NOT helping my stress rn LOL

Website stuff

While writing this post I figured out what was causing the pages to be off-centre finally! It was the scroll bar. If a page exceeded one screen length the scrollbar would appear, and cause the centring of the page to move. I haven't decided on how I want to style the scrollbar for the page yet, so I probably won't work on a fix until then, but at least now I know! I'm going to have a lot of side boxes to update...

Life stuff ~

I've been making new friends recently! Well, more like meeting old friends and trying to be... real? friends? I don't know, it's confusing. I talk to a lot of people from uni online. Probably not surprising but making friends online with the ability to disassociate from who you physically "are" instead of in person where you can't do that is a really easy way to mitigate gender dysphoria! The problem: you start to feel like a hollow husk of a person after a while LOL

Well not quite, but it turns out that seeing people in person and actually doing things is a lot cooler than just talking through a discord text box. It was pretty scary for me to do, but I finally got to meet people and it makes me sad I didn't do it sooner ;-; They're all super cool people <3

Less fun note; time. You saw it in the blog title. I'm not a big fan of it. I've burnt so much time this year. Doesn't feel good. The more I think about it the more I know I need to sort my life together, but that doesn't make it any easier. My family doesn't know I'm trans, and I currently still live with them. I have no idea how they would respond to it, and so I'm not risking telling them anything until I have my own safety secured. To me, this means having a place to live and a stable income independant of them. The problem with this? I've effectively tied my progress in life to a (potential) fallout with my family. As soon as I can move out and start the fun transition process, I probably will. And that might mean never seeing my family again, and I don't like that thought. So it makes it really hard to take steps towards my goals, because I really don't want to lose my family. I don't know, there's a possibility this is just like my friends and that they can learn to understand anyway, and I just end up realising I've burnt EVEN MORE TIME. I'm a bit of a mess :)

Was any of that cohesive? Probably not! Do I care? Probably not! Working on the site again, hopefully the next gap isn't this large! If you read all this again ily <3 bye!! ^^